BIG WHEELS KEEP ON ROLLIN’

The sun was warm, the hammock soft, the iced tea cold. It would take a lot to make me move. Like seeing a prehistoric beast on the siding next to me. He was only  
1-1/2 inches long but oh so cool––cool enough to entice me out of my cozy nest.

He wasn’t colorful. In fact, he was quite homely. And it’s not like he had a great personality, either; he just sat there.

It turns out I’m very lucky I didn’t give that little fellow a nudge or turn him over. I’d likely have a scar to show for it. This prehistoric-looking monster was a Wheel Bug, and they do not have good manners.

If you’ve seen a bug with a  cogged wheel on his back, you’ve seen a Wheel Bug. They’re the only insects in the U.S. with that feature. Experts say the wheel doesn’t appear to have a specific purpose, but come on! Its purpose is to be cool!

Another nifty feature of the Wheeler is that it has two upper jaws and two lower jaws. It has a long head that ends in a really long beak, and he folds that back under himself. This insect caught all the breaks––he even has two eyes, one compound and one simple.

Amazingly well endowed as he is, you don’t want to be at a family reunion for the Wheel Bugs. They belong to the family called Assassin Bugs. This is where the long beak comes in. The Wheeler sticks it into anything soft––moth, caterpillar, you, me––and injects its saliva. The saliva has an enzyme that first paralyzes its victim, then dissolves everything inside it. The dual-action beak then becomes a straw, and the Wheeler sucks out a bugilicious smoothie.

Assassin bugs  kill many insects that farmers are happy to be rid of, but unfortunately they don’t discriminate; they kill Lady Bugs and bees, too. If they bite the farmer, he will suffer a vicious wound that can take weeks or months to heal, and it leaves a scar. The bug won’t come after you if you leave it alone, but don’t be irritating it.

Wheel Bugs lay 2-400 eggs that will go through 5 stages of metamorphosis. Even in those nymph stages, they can lay a hurting’ on you. After the female lays the eggs, she dies, but not before she kills her mate. I told you––bad manners.

Even though this bug is advantageous, I wouldn’t want to be its spin-doctor. It’s got a lethal bite, it’s cannibalistic, and one more little thing––if you bug this bug, it will turn around, pop out its orangy-red anal sacs, and blast you with a foul-smelling substance. 

Robert Gates, are you listening? Imagine a tank that can send out a long straw, dissolve the enemy, drink it up, then turn around and blast any survivors with a nasty smelling brew. And all you got are drones?

To see a wheel bug take on a bat:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmV6TjVNZGM&feature=related